Funny Mails

New Report at Faking News

2012-01-28T09:35:00.001+05:30

New Report at Faking News

Idiots of India sue The Hindu for mocking them in advertisement

Posted: 27 Jan 2012 12:26 AM PST

New Delhi. Indian Idiot Society has decided to file a defamation case against Chennai based daily newspaper The Hindu for mocking their beliefs and way of life in an advertisement targeting the rival newspaper The Times of India. These idiots, who don't want to know anything else that the pet name of Hrithik Roshan, claim that The Hindu ad demeans their dignity for no justifiable reason.

"What if we don't know who succeeds Ratan Tata or the full form of UPA?" Murkhta Kapoor, the national president of IIS (Indian Idiot Society) argued with Faking News.

"We are differently intelligent," Mr. Kapoor said, "and our intellect should be respected. We too are the citizens of this country."

The concerned ad has been found to be offensive to the idiots

IIS claims that Indian idiots contribute vibrantly to the growth of nation's GDP and their contribution can't be ignored.

"There would have been no MTV Roadies or Bigg Boss without us," Murkhta Kapoor claimed, "In fact, we are the biggest drivers of growth in the media and entertainment industry and we are also the biggest patrons of the industry."

"If there was economic slowdown in this country, it was due to those who understand the meaning of CRR and credit policy, and not because of us idiots who think repo-rate is some cricket related term," he said.

Many experts too agree that idiots shouldn't be mocked at as they were an important part of the society, especially in the education sector.

"Without them, we would never know who are intelligent," Arindam Chaudhuri, an educationist said, "Many institutes would run out of business if there were no idiots. We need to think beyond the usual definitions of intelligence and smartness."

When asked whether they preferred The Times of India over The Hindu, idiots couldn't understand the question as the concerned advertisement had the name of The Times of India beeped out.

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SpicyJokes.com - isayu

2012-01-28T02:38:00.000+05:30

Marriage Jokes :: #22815
By from Unknown

Sitting at the breakfast table the old man asked his wife "when I die, sell all of my stuff."

"Why should I do that?"

"Cause I don't want some asshole enjoying my stuff."

"What makes you think I am going to marry another asshole?"

Forward this joke to your friends >>

Love & Dating :: #551
By Mieke Thijm from Amsterdam Netherlands Antilles

Relationship
A relationship is like a rose. How long it lasts, no one knows. Love can erase an awful past. To feel that love it makes you sigh. To have it leave, you'd rather die. You hope you've found that special rose, because you love and care for the one you chose.

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A Joke A Day - me you

2012-01-27T20:19:00.000+05:30

Family Jokes :: #19399
By Willie Sak from Peabody Mass. USA.

While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie's wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie's wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie's wife said, my goodness, now I don't know where to park the car. "Why don't you just leave it in the garage!" Willie said.

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Sports and Recreation :: #578
By lauren from chicago USA.

dont worry
If you worry about winning you won't, if you focus on doing your very best you will.

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SpicyJokes.com - isayu

2012-01-27T02:38:00.000+05:30

Yo Momma Jokes :: #657
By Anonymous from USA.

Yo momma so nasty she made Right Guard turn left.

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Business :: #738
By Shavonda from Newark USA.

How To Do Business
Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers.

- Greek Proverb

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A Joke A Day - me you

2012-01-26T20:17:00.000+05:30

One Liners Jokes :: #6156
By Stephanie Masten from Silver City New Mexico USA.

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?

A. He uses "windows".

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Proverbs :: #541
By Rene from Calgary Canada

To calm the hunger
If you want to calm the hunger of a man for a day, give him a fish.

If you want to calm his hunger for life, teach him how to fish.

Chinese proverb.

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New Report at Faking News

2012-01-26T09:35:00.001+05:30

New Report at Faking News

Indian team to carry their own pitches for future foreign tours

Posted: 25 Jan 2012 09:22 AM PST

Mumbai. BCCI finally seems to have come up with a solution to counter the series of poor performances of Indian team during the overseas tours, especially in England, Australia and South Africa.

"There is nothing wrong with the Indian team, not even Duncan Fletcher," Mr. N Srinivasan, President of the BCCI told Faking News, "The blame lies with foreign pitches that are not up to the standards of our players. Therefore, BCCI has passed a unilateral resolution with immediate effect under which Indian team will carry its own pitches for all future foreign tours."

Mr. Srinivasan denied that the unilateral decision was taken as BCCI had monetary clout over the ICC. "You can’t link everything to monetary clout. When our team can carry their own batting kits, coach, fitness trainer, etc., why can’t it carry its own pitches?" BCCI President justified the move.

Such bee invasions on Indian pitches can give additional psychological advantage to India

Surprisingly, BCCI’s move has been supported by other foreign boards.

"It's a fair deal; BCCI will pay us a hefty pitch-sustenance allowance. Additionally, they will also cover the cost of our curators and other ground staff. I think this should be a win-win situation to both parties," James Sutherland, CEO of Cricket Australia said in an interview to Sydney Morning Herald.

Pakistan Cricket Board too has liked the idea and has decided to replicate it for their future home series in England. "We don't exactly need home pitches on foreign tours, but the idea will help us when we play Australia in England next – it will be truly home series as Australia will be playing on Pakistani pitches."

Indian team, currently losing test matches in Australia, has welcomed this announcement. Indian skipper MS Dhoni, who looked happy to miss the fourth test at Adelaide after losing the first three, welcomed the announcement.

"Well of course, it is a late but well taken decision. Many of the current team members are brand ambassadors of real estate companies that can help the board with construction of the pitches on foreign tours," he said.

BCCI is yet to take a decision on whom to involve for carrying and installing pitches overseas, however they have started shortlisting pitches. Spin friendly tracks such as Eden Gardens and Feroz Shah Kotla are likely to be favored over relatively bouncier tracks such as Mohali.

Unconfirmed sources suggest that BCCI could ask some engineering students to work on a plan to study domestic pitches and make copies that could be carried overseas. Since China doesn't play cricket yet, BCCI is banking upon students who copy rampantly in exams.

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SpicyJokes.com - isayu

2012-01-26T02:38:00.000+05:30

Body Parts :: #833
By Claire from Perth Australia Australia

A man on a business trip is looking for a little action. So he picked up a Chinese hooker and took her back to his hotel. While having sex she was screaming OMWA OMWA!! He did not speak Chinese so he kept on going he wanted to get his $3.00 worth.

The next day he chilled out and went for a game of golf with this Chinese worker. He took a big swing and hit the golf ball as hard as he could.

The Chinese man said in a sad voice "OMWA" the guy looked at him strangely and asked: "what does that mean?" The Chinese man then said: "you have got it in the wrong hole"

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Education :: #681
By Jim from Spandon USA.

Einstein's solution
"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness that created them."

~Albert Einstein~

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A Joke A Day - me you

2012-01-25T20:17:00.000+05:30

Marriage Jokes :: #11
By Patricia Figueroa de Diaz from Unknown

Cemetery

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"

The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

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Self-Improvement :: #418
By Mary Hatfield from Anchorage USA.

Icebergs
An iceberg is a good analogy of our character and personality. The tip of the iceberg is what is seen first by other people; our personality. The part that lies underneath the water is our character, which lays unseen and hidden. Our personality is our image, techniques and skills that influence our outward success, but our true success will come from the goodness of our character that lies beneath the surface.

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WeeklyJokes.com #3

2012-01-25T12:26:00.000+05:30

Hi isayu,

Here is this week's joke from WeeklyJokes.com.

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

Who gossips to you will gossip of you.

When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.

The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

The trouble with work is - it's so daily.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

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SpicyJokes.com - isayu

2012-01-25T02:38:00.001+05:30

Entertainment Jokes :: #22808
By Anonymous from USA.

"Hey, lover," said the hipster to the beautiful chick he'd jut met, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No" she answered, "but I bet it really hurts."

Forward this joke to your friends >>

Famous Quote :: #285
By Bill Turpin from Cambridge USA.

Being Different
"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

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A Joke A Day - me you

2012-01-24T20:16:00.000+05:30

Judges Jokes :: #22213
By Duffy Sheeran from Ohio USA.

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years." Replied the drunk: "Can I help it if you can't get promoted?"

Forward this joke to your friends >>

Inspirational Poems :: #1048
By Larry Brophy from Payson USA.

Paradise
Just could this be paradise

right here where you are?

Nirvana within you

not somewhere afar?

Tho' some would decry it

and say it can't be

just follow along

if you long to be free.

Your life's what you make it -

your choices each day

the thoughts that you harbor

and words that you say

determine the status

of your life today.

So if you want more

than you think you have now

watch closely your mindset

and you'll find out how

Just live in the present.

Think only the best

about yourself first

and then all the rest

of your brothers and sisters -

you'll find that you're blest

and really in paradise.

It's all in your mind.

Whatever you look for

is just what you'll find.

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2012-01-24T13:31:00.000+05:30

Email Marketing By

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New Report at Faking News

2012-01-24T09:33:00.001+05:30

New Report at Faking News

Mayawati’s missing shoes were thrown at Rahul Gandhi

Posted: 23 Jan 2012 07:10 AM PST

Dehradun. The shoe thrown at Rahul Gandhi during a public rally here has been found to be belonging to Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Kumari Mayawati. The shoes were actually sandals, which had gone missing two years ago after they arrived in India in a special empty jet from London. Police has launched an inquiry into how the sandals landed into the hands of the shoe thrower Ramdin, who happens to be a local shopkeeper.

"The shoe thrower has been charged on two counts – violence and theft," local police inspector Dhiren Dadwal informed, "We suspect that Ramdin is a thief who stole the sandals of Mayawatiji, which had caused a major administrative crisis in the state at that time."

Mayawati showing the number of shoes Rahul Gandhi has now

Sources tell Faking News that Mayawati had suspended at least four IAS officers after the sandals went missing two years ago. A massive shoe-hunt was also launched but the Uttar Pradesh police couldn't locate the sandals.

"Now we know that the sandals had been smuggled out of the state into neighboring Uttrakhand," a suspended IAS officer concluded and blamed Ramdin for setback to his professional career.

Having attempted physical assault on Rahul Gandhi and stolen personal belongings of Mayawati, Ramdin has now become the most wanted criminal in the country. CBI, Delhi police, Uttar Pradesh police, and Uttrakhand police are all fighting for his custody.

Meanwhile politics has broken out over the incident with Congress accusing Mayawati of having amassed benaami sandals all over the country worth billions of rupees.

"This is a bigger scam than the 2G scam or the CWG scam and must be investigated," Uttar Pradesh Congress chief Rita Bahuguna Joshi said. She also thanked Rahul Gandhi for forgiving Ramdin and demanded Bharat Ratna for the young leader.

But Mayawati is least amused. She has not only rubbished Congress' charges, but went on to accuse Rahul Gandhi of having stolen her sandals.

"I don't blame Ramdin, it's the yuvraaj who has my sandals now, and he has possessed it illegally" Mayawati claimed, "He had even said, 'ek aur phenko' (give one more to me) when one shoe was thrown at him, which clearly shows that he wants to take away my things."

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2012-01-24T05:08:00.000+05:30

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2012-01-23T19:18:00.001+05:30

Q&A: HOW LONG SHOULD I WAIT TO TAKE T3 (THYROID) AFTER HAVING HAD AN ANTACID?

Question by Don:
How long really should I wait to take T3 (thyroid) following getting had an antacid?
Thanks.

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Answer by kz546
you need to take thyroid hormones on an empty stomach, morning is usually greatest. but you can take it any other time, just make sure its about two hours prior to food and other meds, or 3 hours following food and other meds.

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2012-01-23T17:06:00.000+05:30

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Topics	Islamabad	Dubai	Malaysia
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Advance Excel For Financial Modeling	28th & 29th Jan'12	Feb,2012	Mar,2012
E-Accounting & Finance	On Inquiries
Advance Taxation (Income & Sales Tax, RGST,e-Filing)	28th & 29th Jan'12
Treasury Management	On Inquiries

Personal Development and Leadership	25th & 26th Jan'12	Feb,2012	Mar,2012
Sale Executive learning lab	23rd Feb ,2012
Employee Performance & Stress Management	22nd & 23 Mar'12
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Phone:021-36083304, 0321-2121321, 0313-2488828, 0332-2505608

email: ameconsultantpak@gmail.com

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WEB DESIGNER

2012-01-23T15:37:00.000+05:30

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2012-01-23T13:28:00.001+05:30

Q&A: WILL MY URINE DRUG TEST COME OUT CLEAN?

Question by John Daler:
Will my Urine drug test come out clean?
I just took a drug test simply because i got accepted to operate at ideal acquire. It was a urine test and i only ever smoked weed when in the past 2 months and it was 25 days ago. Will my test pass?

——————————————

Answer by Ben
lol, yes

Solution by Gezo
You deserve to be incarcerated.

2012-01-23T12:53:00.000+05:30

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